It started off pretty rough. I started this "crazy cycle" where I would get progressively more excited towards the end of the weekend because I knew that Monday was coming. Monday is the day that AGCI (our adoption agency) can submit files to the Embassy. It has been six weeks, and our file hasn't been submitted. Most are submitted after 2-3 weeks, so I thought for sure it was coming...every week. Then, Monday would come. And I wouldn't get the phone call that I wanted to get, and I was completely discouraged and defeated. I just wanted our little girl home.
Last week was no different, although, we did get a phone call. Just not the one I wanted. My phone showed our case worker's name and I was SO excited!!! But, she was just calling to talk about our fingerprints. Total let down. Sweet her, she has been so compassionate and "with us" every step of the way! I think she will be almost as excited as we are when we get submitted!
So, the night I talked to her I was really discouraged, wondering when we would get to bring our little girl home. It seems like so long ago that we were there, and then the highs and lows of the week were all-comsuming.
I prayed. I was so tired of feeling that way. My perspective was affecting so many other people. It is so easy in this process to focus on the hard things. The pain of the fallen world and fallen system and fallen people. The wait. The emotional ups and downs and the people that you bring with you on that roller coaster. I am so thankful... God so graciously changed my perspective.
I had conveniently forgotten all of the incredible things...God's faithfulness to provide for us. Him allowing us to receive a beautiful little girl into our family. A redemptive story through the pain of loss. An incredibly loving transitional home for her. Food and clothes and everything that she needs right now. A bath for her every night. Sweet women who love her. Her brother and sisters here who ask about her and pray for her every day. An adoption agency who walks us through all of the questions. Resources in our community. Families who are willing to "live life" with us. Extended family and countless friends who love our little girl and have never even met her. God's Word. His Holy Spirit. Even little things like an extra spot in a room to put growing "packing" piles in. Sweet conversations with our children already at home. A finished room waiting for a little girl to be there.
I decided I didn't need to put myself on a roller coaster anymore. She is being loved so much where she is, and I am thankful for that. We are SO READY for her to be home, yes. FOR SURE! But God has shown me so much in this journey, and it surely isn't about me and my emotions. I know there will be hard days, but I don't want to forget why we started down this beautiful and hard path of adoption in the first place. We felt led by the Lord. And we continue to. He is faithful. As hard as it is, I give up all control and rest in His beautiful plan.
That being said, it is 8 am in Ethiopia right now. I am guessing the Embassy is opening soon. I am hoping our agency can submit files today since they were closed yesterday. I am praying that "N's" paperwork is all in order and will be submitted. And, I am really really thankful for the peace that God has given me.
Here are a couple of pictures of her room: