A day in Ethiopia is filled with so many emotions, thoughts, and feelings!
To be on such a long journey filled with prayer and decisions and paperwork and waiting...THEN...you get "the call!" It is so exciting and unbelievable to see the picture of your child halfway across the world. The child that you have been praying for and didn't know what she was doing, if she was born, if she was going through something difficult, or even how old she was...you finally get to see her! And then there are hoops to get through to bring her home. You get to meet her and it is amazing and then you have to leave her, and that is heart-wrenching. Then you jump through some more hoops until you are cleared to bring her home! OH THE JOY! THE RELIEF! THE EXCITEMENT! Then, you pack up and jump on a plane a few days later...
The wait for her is over, but really everything is just beginning. I have read and researched and prayed and sought wisdom and counsel from those who have gone before me. And, it is so different to actually walk through it.
There are unbelievable moments of deep deep joy that she is with us. She is fun and mischievous and brilliant! She watches everything we do! She loves playing with water bottles, play-dough, stickers, and coloring books. She is a typical toddler in those ways...yet...she has such deep pain.
Every day gets better, and we are asking God to heal that pain. As a mom, it is HARD to not want that healing instantaneously...to want her to run to us and trust us and be comfortable and so excited just because she has a family now! But, when I think about it, I know that that wouldn't be right...and I wouldnt' even want it, because in the end, I know she will be healthier to really walk through these hard moments. If we skipped over them, she would be missing a huge piece of healing that God is bringing to her heart.
Today that hard moment came after a meltdown and Naomi kept saying "Asa! Asa! Asa!" We have wondered all week what that meant, as she always says it through tears. We have asked people and no one understood. But today, a lady said, "Oh, she is saying, 'There! There! I want to go there!'" Break. my. heart. Even as I type this, my stomach is in my throat. This whole time, when she is sad, she is telling us she wants to go "There!" ...back to Hannah's Hope. Where she knows people. Where people know her. Where people talk like she does. Where they know what food she likes. Where they know how she likes to sleep. Where they understand her.
In those hard moments, I am reminded that this is one reason why God never intended to grow our families in this way. It is because of a fallen, broken world that adoption is even needed or possible. So, in this fallen, broken world, there is deep pain. So, in the painful times, I will seek and trust God. He has led us on this journey, and he is not leaving us now. He is Emmanuel. God WITH us. He is all-knowing and sovereign. So, I will trust him even when my love is rejected. I am learning that there is hurt behind all of that. And, it is making me cling to God's Word in a new, different way. I hunger for more. I am dependent on Him in all of the moments, and thankful that He is strength in my weakness.
Let me tell you...I LOVE that little girl. It is amazing. I eat up every minute that she playfully cuts her eyes at me and grins the biggest grin. And...she is SUCH a Daddy's girl! He gets big hugs out of the blue. I love seeing her learn and play. I love that she likes things JUST the way she likes them. I love that she likes to sing songs. I LOVE her little sweet voice. It is SO CUTE! I love that God led us to her and is now bringing her to her forever home. There is so much deep joy in her, and I can't wait to see more of it. I can't wait to learn everything about her. She is SUCH a gift to me!
Here are some pictures of our little sweetie...
Here she is playing with play-dough...
She is such a little "mama!" This morning she took the water bottles and pretended they were babies...covering them up with the napkin for a "blanket!" So cute...
Here is my little Daddy's girl...
(sorry for the eyes closed, but I want you to see that joy!...precious!)
And, a priceless moment napping with Mommy...
To be on such a long journey filled with prayer and decisions and paperwork and waiting...THEN...you get "the call!" It is so exciting and unbelievable to see the picture of your child halfway across the world. The child that you have been praying for and didn't know what she was doing, if she was born, if she was going through something difficult, or even how old she was...you finally get to see her! And then there are hoops to get through to bring her home. You get to meet her and it is amazing and then you have to leave her, and that is heart-wrenching. Then you jump through some more hoops until you are cleared to bring her home! OH THE JOY! THE RELIEF! THE EXCITEMENT! Then, you pack up and jump on a plane a few days later...
The wait for her is over, but really everything is just beginning. I have read and researched and prayed and sought wisdom and counsel from those who have gone before me. And, it is so different to actually walk through it.
There are unbelievable moments of deep deep joy that she is with us. She is fun and mischievous and brilliant! She watches everything we do! She loves playing with water bottles, play-dough, stickers, and coloring books. She is a typical toddler in those ways...yet...she has such deep pain.
Every day gets better, and we are asking God to heal that pain. As a mom, it is HARD to not want that healing instantaneously...to want her to run to us and trust us and be comfortable and so excited just because she has a family now! But, when I think about it, I know that that wouldn't be right...and I wouldnt' even want it, because in the end, I know she will be healthier to really walk through these hard moments. If we skipped over them, she would be missing a huge piece of healing that God is bringing to her heart.
Today that hard moment came after a meltdown and Naomi kept saying "Asa! Asa! Asa!" We have wondered all week what that meant, as she always says it through tears. We have asked people and no one understood. But today, a lady said, "Oh, she is saying, 'There! There! I want to go there!'" Break. my. heart. Even as I type this, my stomach is in my throat. This whole time, when she is sad, she is telling us she wants to go "There!" ...back to Hannah's Hope. Where she knows people. Where people know her. Where people talk like she does. Where they know what food she likes. Where they know how she likes to sleep. Where they understand her.
In those hard moments, I am reminded that this is one reason why God never intended to grow our families in this way. It is because of a fallen, broken world that adoption is even needed or possible. So, in this fallen, broken world, there is deep pain. So, in the painful times, I will seek and trust God. He has led us on this journey, and he is not leaving us now. He is Emmanuel. God WITH us. He is all-knowing and sovereign. So, I will trust him even when my love is rejected. I am learning that there is hurt behind all of that. And, it is making me cling to God's Word in a new, different way. I hunger for more. I am dependent on Him in all of the moments, and thankful that He is strength in my weakness.
Let me tell you...I LOVE that little girl. It is amazing. I eat up every minute that she playfully cuts her eyes at me and grins the biggest grin. And...she is SUCH a Daddy's girl! He gets big hugs out of the blue. I love seeing her learn and play. I love that she likes things JUST the way she likes them. I love that she likes to sing songs. I LOVE her little sweet voice. It is SO CUTE! I love that God led us to her and is now bringing her to her forever home. There is so much deep joy in her, and I can't wait to see more of it. I can't wait to learn everything about her. She is SUCH a gift to me!
Here are some pictures of our little sweetie...
Here she is playing with play-dough...
Here is my little Daddy's girl...
(sorry for the eyes closed, but I want you to see that joy!...precious!)
And, a priceless moment napping with Mommy...
Addis Ababa Time
