Thursday, March 31, 2011

Oh, the Emotions!

The emotions in this "adventure" are so unpredictable and all-over-the-page!  I am continually seeing that God is the only constant to trust in.  Not the next call from our case worker.  Not the next email about what is going on in Ethiopia.  Not the upcoming date that I have thought we would "for sure get a referral by!"

****Sidenote: yes, I play these little games in my head!  Before we got on the list in September, I dreamed that we got a referral the same day.  That day came and went.  No referral.  I thought FOR SURE by the end of 2010.  That day came and went.  No referral.  Maybe on the same day that my sweet niece is born!  That day came and went.  No referral.  Here we are almost in April....You get the picture. ****

Literally the other day, I was talking to our case worker and she was asking how we were doing with the wait.  My answer was, "Trusting in God's sovereignty, AND very surprised that it has been this long."

We are surprised.

And we are trusting.

We have already seen ways that we can understand that this wait was "best" for us.  Eliana understands so much more now, and could quickly take to the role of "big sister." It will be an easier transition for us and our newest little one because the other kids are older. I know we will see the biggest reasons when we actually see and meet our child.  It will be THAT SPECIFIC child that God has had for us.  If we would have gotten a referral 5 months ago, it would have been a different child.

Some other things that I keep reminding myself of:

  • We felt very led to Ethiopia 
  • We felt very led to our agency
  • We trust our agency very much
  • We felt very led to the  "Positively Chosen" program
In light of all of that, today is HARD.  I keep thinking, if HIV/AIDS is such a crisis, why have we been waiting since September for our little one to be placed in our family?  There are TONS of children in need of a family, in need of medicine for HIV.  So, why?  I know the answer to that.  And, it seems like a pat answer.  And sometimes it is or can be.  But, when I let is sink deep in my heart, there is freedom and rest. The answer: God is sovereign.

This morning for whatever reason, I was just frustrated.  I went to work out and just listened to worship music.  I was reminded that God is God alone. He truly is on His throne.  He is trustworthy.  He has a plan.  

So, I am trusting in that.  I really do trust Him.  And I want to give Him every ounce of who He made me to be.  

Please pray that God would pave the road from where our child is in Ethiopia to our agency's transitional home.  That is all that He needs to do!  It seems so simple!  


Alison said...

Girl, we are right here with you! When we started this journey, we had NO IDEA the wait would be this long! But God knew! And like ya'll, we are trusting in His sovereignty and waiting...trying to be patient! Love your heart, Erin! Can't wait to see who God has chosen for your family!

becky@cup.of.joe said...

Great post. Such an honest look of our position and His postition. We wait. He works. Sounds simple. But to live it...not so simple. Loving you and praying for you and Baby Crenshaw #8.

laurap said...

Oh Erin. I am praying. But God... When we see only one thing, He sees the million things He has placed into action for your family and His glory. I cannot imagine all your emotions and anxiousness. May He clothe you with strength, trust, and perseverance! love you!

this wanderer said...

hi Erin - it's Abbye Pates, your Malcomb St. neighbor. :) Just wanted to tell you that I found your blog...